Under mountains of homework, tons of to-read and read pages, racing to and from class, getting to work, attempting to make to the gym, and maintaining good relations with family, friends, and a boyfriend have made it pretty much impossible for any creativity(other than thoughts & quick scribbles) to be done simultaneously this semester.
So far, this fall has been an interesting roller coaster of emotions and I don't want to jinx myself, but I think I am on the descent (crosses fingers). It all started the first week of classes. I was struck and pinned by the idea that I had to study abroad. The rational: it has been something I have always wanted to do and that it was my last possible chance to do so...it would be practically free (or so I convinced myself)...and instead of actually studying, I could use it as a home base for frivolous travel!! Not that the traveling would be frivolous but my idea around it didn't make sense and it did not equal free...far from it. I soon realized that this new thought was triggered by a great and looming fear that this was my last year of undergrad. Unconsciously scared shit-less, my mind procured a comforting thought of extending it one last semester. Once realizing this, I put the loop hole back in its place, and properly broke down (tears and all!) to grapple with my new-found case of the heeby-jeebies. I don't know about you, but trying to figure out what you wanna be when you grow up is a pretty daunting task. I have come to the conclusion that in my situation, I need to prioritize all the things I want to do and then connect all the dots.
I am looking forward to future freedom (as short or as long as it lasts:) and was grateful for this reminder today:
As a beautiful friend told me this past week:
"All of this is a part of the dance."
Everything that happens to us...the good, the bad, the ugly, the tears....it's all a part of the greater dance that makes this life worth living.
Warmly and with big hugs,